Finding the Right Fit
When you’re preparing to welcome a baby into your life, you’re told to find the right car seat, the best stroller, the safest crib. But one of the most personal, impactful decisions you’ll make isn’t about gear — it’s about people. Choosing a doula is about finding the right fit — and just like finding the right pair of jeans or the perfect therapist (THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE for the one that I found!), it’s not a one-size-fits-all process.
Think About It Like Dating (But Less Awkward)
Hiring a doula is a bit like dating. You’re looking for someone who understands you, respects your choices, and supports you in one of the most intimate and transformative experiences of your life. You might meet a doula with glowing reviews and years of experience, but if the chemistry isn’t there, that’s okay. And this works both ways. Sometimes we get the feeling that we just won’t vibe. Just like not every great person makes a great partner for you, not every doula is your doula!
Some people click with someone calm, quiet, and deeply grounding. Others thrive with a doula who’s bubbly, talkative, and cracks jokes during contractions. Trust your gut. It knows what kind of energy you’ll want when the time comes.
Like Those Totally In Style Shoes
Okay… if the whole dating analogy didn’t fit, let’s talk shoes. We’ve all had that pair of shoes that look amazing in the store—everyone’s wearing them, they’re totally in style—but when you walk in them, they rub in all the wrong places (or in my case, they don’t fit my small, wide feet). A doula might check all the boxes on paper: trained, experienced, certified. But if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore that feeling. You need someone who fits comfortably, walks your path with ease, and never makes you feel like you have to shrink or stretch to make it work.
Like a Good Hair Stylist (Shout out to the best, Sarah)
Ever sit in a salon chair and try to explain what you want, only to feel completely misunderstood and walk away spending tons of money on something you don’t like? A good doula listens, not just to your words, but to what’s underneath them. They ask thoughtful questions, reflect your values back to you, and support your birth preferences without judgment or agenda. That kind of connection doesn’t happen with every professional—it takes someone who really gets you. And when you find that person, it’s magic.
What the “Right Fit” Really Feels Like
When you find the right doula, you feel it. It’s not just about credentials or how many births they’ve attended (these things can be important to you). It’s about whether you feel seen, heard, and safe in their presence. Do you feel calmer after your meetings? Do they empower you, not intimidate you? Do you trust them to hold space for you, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too?
Tips for Finding Your Fit
Interview more than one doula. Even if you love the first one, meet a few to feel the difference in energy, philosophy, and style.
Pay attention to your body. If you feel relaxed, open, and safe around them, that’s a good sign.
Ask about how they handle pressure. Every birth is different. You want someone who can stay grounded when things get intense.
Talk about values. From pain management to communication with your provider, a doula who algins with your values will feel more like a partner, not a stranger.
Trust the vibe. Sometimes it really is that simple.
My favorite tip: Would you be comfortable being naked in front of them?
The right doula won’t try to be the star of your birth story. They’ll help you shine. (My goal is to illuminate your birth process… check the name “In the Light”.) They’ll remind you of your strength when you forget it. They’ll bring calm when chaos swirls. They’ll laugh with you, breathe with you, cry with you if needed—and they’ll never make your story about them. You deserve a support team that is just right for you.